For Melissa!  Watch out!!!This belly could cause blindness or serious damage to the unsuspecting eye!

almost 7 months....Isn't it amazing how pregnancy puts weight everywhere?  You think your in for a big belly but geeeeesh-the arms, the face, the arse, the legs...everywhere?? and just a fyi-I no longer have ankles...I have cankles....

That I was supposed to get the day of the ultrasound...Looks like she didn't forget after all...anyway, wanted to share...HAPPY 4th everyone!  love you all bunches....J

Today, is my day off....I get a call from my job about a dog who came into work about a week ago.  My boss asks me who the nurse was for this particular pet..I tell her it was not me because, I was doing surgery all morning long.  I ask her why, she tells me that no one entered notes in the dogs file.  Which is really bad because, it's just like keeping human medical records.  If something happens with the pet, and we have not entered anything in the pets record we are liable and can get sued. 

I know I talked about this a while back about how it seems like they are trying to push me out by making up things about me.  Well, my boss calls me today and tells me that her boss wants to write me up because, of this issue.  I ask her well, if no one knew who the nurse was for this particular pet, why would you call me and ask me if I was the nurse...and why would our office man. automatically want to write me up not knowing who's **** up this was?  Just because, I happened to work that day, it's automatically my **** up? Just another example of what they are doing to try and get me out the door because, I'm a liability....  This is really taking a toll on my morale...I work my pregnant ass off for this company, and I try not to make mistakes just because, I know they want me out the door.  It's like they keep looking for things to write me up over...fortunately, this wasn't my mistake so they have no leg to stand on.  It just pisses me off...See the thing is with this company, it's corporate so there are steps that have to be followed in order to fire someone.  The person in question has to be "coached", then next **** up is a write up, 3rd is a write up with our medical director and 4th is termination.   I've already been "coached" about two weeks ago about another incident with the medical records-It's not me already!  I know how important those records are...That would not be a step I would forget...There just as important as actually seeing the pet.  Anyway, that was not my mistake either but, since I worked that day I got "coached"-That shit is permanently in my personel file. 

I can't take it anymore, I told Chris, it seems like everytime I have a day off my boss calls me to interogate me about things that have happened.  I'm trying to not be a victim here, because, I hate hate being a victim....But, I honestly feel like they are looking over my shoulder every minute waiting for me to mess up.  I told chris today, I wish I could call these f'ers today and tell them kiss it...I quit.  I don't want to burn bridges though..It wouldn't take long for me to find another veterinary job...I take pride in my work ethic and think I'm damn good.  The only problem is.....being almost 6 months pregnant.  I can't hide it...Potential employers will look at me and automatically not want to hire me.  This wouldn't be a problem obviously if I worked a desk job...Working in the field I do, it is a high risk job for my pregnancy and there are quite a few things I can't do right now-like radiology and lifting pets.  Two major parts of my job.  But, I feel there are enough nurses there to cover my ass for an occasional x-ray....Ya know?

I so need to find a differnt place of employment...This has me stressing so bad, I can't stand it...Making me sick to my stomach with worry.I need my paycheck and can't afford to go even a month without a job.    I will do what I have been doing and going in working my ass off, not making any mistakes and going home and picking up my paycheck every two weeks untill I can find something else.  The sad part is, this job is my dream.  There is nothing else in the world I would rather be doing.  These animals continually awaken my dreary outlook eachtime they look in my eyes.  I can see there hearts and know how much they love....they love like no human on earth. 

Ah well, enough of my bitching.....I got a dining room set today off of craigslist for 40 bucks...It's not new, it's actually probably made in the 70's.  It's not terribly pretty but, it's a lot bigger than what I have now and we can actually all sit down at the table together....I figure a nice table cloth and some seat covers will spruce it up a bit.  Besides which it's built really strong.  Heavy dark wood and dosn't feel like it's going to fall apart the first time a plate is set on it.  I'm stoked...I can't wait to make it pretty....Hubby also got a 55 gallon fishtank and stand from my aunt they were selling for 200 dollars but, he went over and did some networking and cable work on their house so they gave him the fishtank. All of this we acquired today, so needless to say my dining room with two dining sets and a 55 gallon fishtank, all the things that go with a fishtank, my dining room is a complete mess....You have to side step through to get to the kitchen.  Hopefully someone will call soon for my old dining set, I listed it on freecycle....I hope someone comes get it tomorrow so I can get things back in order again.....

Anywho yall, I had a friggin blast in chat last night....I havn't laughed that hard in a long time...You witches know who you are that made me snort water....love you all bunches, J

P>S> Melissa, couldn't post belly pics today, my camera batteries are dead...soon I promise!

Because....I've been dealing with this at work....this touched my soft spot.....

Personal Satisfaction
Doing Our Best

We often come into contact with the idea that our best isn't good enough, as if this were actually possible. If you examine this notion, you will begin to see that it doesn't make much sense. Your best is always good enough, because it comes from you, and you are always good enough. You may not be able to deliver someone else's idea of the best, but the good news is that's not your burden. You only need to fulfill your own potential, and as long as you remain true to that calling, and always do your best to fulfill your purpose, you don't need to expect anything more from yourself.

It's easy to get tangled up with the idea of trying to be the best-the best parent, the best employee, the best child, or best friend. If we try to be the best, we run the risk of short-circuiting our originality because we are striving to fit into someone else's vision of success. In addition, if everyone is striving for the same outcome, we lose out on creativity, diversity, and visionary alternatives to the way things are done. On another note, there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve, but examining where this feeling comes from is important because wanting to be better than others is our ego coming into play.

Letting go of the tendency to hold ourselves up to other people's standards, and letting go of the belief that we need to compete and win, doesn't mean we don't believe in doing the best job we can. We always strive to do our best, because when we do we create a life free of regret, knowing we have performed to the best of our ability. This allows us to feel great personal satisfaction in all of our efforts, regardless of how others perceive the outcome.

What do you think?

This morning was really rushed.  I woke up late...Tia has to be outside waiting for the bus at 7 am.  I didn't wake up till 6:45, I woke her up told her to hurry hurry.  I went to use the bathroom and get something to drink, got into the kitchen to find her in there crying.  I asked what was the matter.  She said mom, I'm never going to make it, I have to be outside at 7 and it's 6:58.  I said well, go get your shoes on, I'll get your backpack together and have your coat ready.  She was going to try and get out of the house wearing her favorite shoes w/NO SOCKS!  are you kidding me lil girl?  It's 33 degrees outside.....!  All in all after me tying one shoe and her tying the other at the same time she got out the door  at 7:01, and made the bus!  ughhhh, I loathe mornings like this.  She dosn't do well with hurridness, or stress or mess up of routine....Her reaction is to cry, just like her momma. 

IT SNOWED YESTERDAY!  For about 2 hours then, it quickly turned to sleet and then rain.  The snow was pretty and I got a compliment from some weird guy at work. I went outside to smoke, while it was snowing...he walks up to me and says....."You sure do look pretty in the snow"....Thank you.  This guy is always staring at me....kinda creeps me out.  It was beautiful yesterday but, I had to drive an hour to get home after work at about 715 pm which means that the temp by then reached 31 degrees....which scared me, because I don't do well with inclement weather and driving.  I was so scared the sleet was going to freeze on the ground.  Bloth of the girls have lost their hats.  ughh makes me so mad!  Neither of them can find their hats or gloves.  

Our guinea pigs are doing good, we built them thier new cage so that they can be seperate but still be able to sniff eachothers behinds and talk.  These things grow fast!  When we got them they fit perfectly in the palm of our hands, now they are almost a pound a peice.  and we have only had them for about a month. 

Hubby and I rarely see eachother and I feel like my kids don't even live with me anymore.  Tia is at school and then her babysitters house, Emma is at my granmothers house, I'm at work, hubby is at work.  Makes me appreciate the time we do have together even more.  I just don't like that. The reason I became a stay at home mom the first time is because, I felt like I didn't have enough time with Tia...and now, it's the same.  I don't have enough time for either of the girls.  I feel like my connection with them is being lost.  Almost like I don't know them anymore.  Almost like we are 4 seperate people who just happen to co habitate. I so long to stay home again (even though I love my job very much, I love them more)  We just can't afford for me to stay home.  With two car payments, rent, ins, water, electric, cell phones, all the bullshit we have to pay.....We are going to try and get rid of one of the car payments this year, that will free up about 400 dollars a month...I know, yes I said 400 damn dollars on one car!

I took both my pups in yesterday to have their teeth cleaned, it was so emotional for me....to see them under anesthesia with tubes hanging out of their mouths, and then the recovery....I did start to cry ...they looked so pitiful, whining and all geeked up on drugs, and wide eyed...like what the hell just happened?  I made it through though.  Today, they are still a little sore from having their nails cut back really far while they were under...but they'll be alright.  We had a dog come in yesterday....Dr. though it had a tumor on it's spleen... It's stomach was huge! The owners were going to do the surgery but decided against it...and opted for euthinasia.  After euthinasia, the owners wanted doc to do a necropsy...when we did, he was sure the owners made the right decision to put him to sleep.  Once we got into the abdominal cavity, it wasn't a tumor at all, it was an abcess on the intestines that was the size of a basketball!  The dog wouldn't have survived surgery even if the owners had elected it because of sepsis.  If doc had tried to take that out....it would have contaminated the whole abdominal cavity and would have caused mass infection and possibly a heart attack.  It was sad really but, knowing that the owners made the right decision made it better, so much more peaceful to just go to sleep, then to die on the operating table. 

Is it weird for me to say that I loved the whole necropsy?   I got to feel all the internal organs...the kidneys, liver, spleen, bladder, gall bladder, diaghram, rib cage, intestines....all of them.    I really really need to go to school.  Then I got to do some suturing when we closed this baby up.  Was that too much info for you all?  lol, sorry but, these are the things that interest me..I am amazed at the body, human or not.  It is amazing to know all of these things work together in such perfect harmony. And if one thing dosn't function correctly it messes everything up.  It's so seperate but connected. Oh ohhhhh, I also got to see how the kidney works....how there are tiny wholes in it, that filter everything through, and then inside the kidney is what is called the pelvis, where all fluids filter through and travel down to the bladder.  Really brings clarity to how what we put in our body, has to be filtered by our kidneys. and why we get kidney infections and stones.  Sorry, just had to add that tid bit. 

Anyway, I will go for now.  Love you all bunches, J