Well, I just got back from my marathon doctors appt.  Had the ultrasound....good news, Baby is doing great!  Moving and kicking and hiccuping....Bad news, the ultra sound tech couldn't tell the sex of the baby...! Dagnabit!  I feel so unsatisfied....I know I know...all I have gone through the last five years I should be happy I have a healthy baby....but, I just can't help it....Then I got irritated...they were running out of ultrasound gel so the probe was scraping over my belly....Then the girl tells me that their printer is broken and can she have my addy so she can mail me the ultrasound pics?  HUH?  What kinda office you runnin here? lol.....Anyway, so I went up and had my regular appt. with the doc after that and told her that they couldn't tell the sex of the baby, I asked my doc if maybe next visit they could do an impromtu ultrasound just to see if we could find out the sex....The doc tells me we are not supposed to but, just remind me next visit and we will see what we can do....ya, thankx....So, that's how my morning went...how bout yours?

I have been really confused lately, not sure if I'm really happy anymore...is that possible?  I try to feel happy but, when I'm alone I have to force myself to feel peaceful...does that make sense?  I think I seriously need a grounding.....

I went to my interview yesterday, it went well...I think she wanted to hire me on the spot she was so excited....then the bombshell....I am 5 months pregnant.....her face changed...."Well, we will be giving you a call in a few days, thanks for coming in"-------now go home and  hurry up and wait.....We will see what happens.....

Emma is getting on my last nerve, I miss Tia like crazy....she's at horse camp right now so I can't talk to her....Oh well, maybe tomorrow will be a better day.....

love ya, J

ON my way to my interview right now...I'm nervous....Hopefully, I'll come home with some news!  love you all....keep me in your thoughts for the next hour or so please pretty please with sugar on top!  love, J

Lemme say, I'm so friggin jealous that I didn't get to go the the broomstick mafia's Covenspace 08!  The pics look great.... You all looked so happy, I'm glad you all had fun!  I so wish I could have gone. 

Secondly, I have a job interview on Tuesday...A animal hospital about 20 min. down the road compared to where I work now 45 min. away.  Just lettin you all know....

Thirdly, I go to the doc on Wed for an ultrasound...That should be the day I find out what the baby is.  

and Fourth, love you all bunches and bunches and bunches...J

Today, is my day off....I get a call from my job about a dog who came into work about a week ago.  My boss asks me who the nurse was for this particular pet..I tell her it was not me because, I was doing surgery all morning long.  I ask her why, she tells me that no one entered notes in the dogs file.  Which is really bad because, it's just like keeping human medical records.  If something happens with the pet, and we have not entered anything in the pets record we are liable and can get sued. 

I know I talked about this a while back about how it seems like they are trying to push me out by making up things about me.  Well, my boss calls me today and tells me that her boss wants to write me up because, of this issue.  I ask her well, if no one knew who the nurse was for this particular pet, why would you call me and ask me if I was the nurse...and why would our office man. automatically want to write me up not knowing who's **** up this was?  Just because, I happened to work that day, it's automatically my **** up? Just another example of what they are doing to try and get me out the door because, I'm a liability....  This is really taking a toll on my morale...I work my pregnant ass off for this company, and I try not to make mistakes just because, I know they want me out the door.  It's like they keep looking for things to write me up over...fortunately, this wasn't my mistake so they have no leg to stand on.  It just pisses me off...See the thing is with this company, it's corporate so there are steps that have to be followed in order to fire someone.  The person in question has to be "coached", then next **** up is a write up, 3rd is a write up with our medical director and 4th is termination.   I've already been "coached" about two weeks ago about another incident with the medical records-It's not me already!  I know how important those records are...That would not be a step I would forget...There just as important as actually seeing the pet.  Anyway, that was not my mistake either but, since I worked that day I got "coached"-That shit is permanently in my personel file. 

I can't take it anymore, I told Chris, it seems like everytime I have a day off my boss calls me to interogate me about things that have happened.  I'm trying to not be a victim here, because, I hate hate being a victim....But, I honestly feel like they are looking over my shoulder every minute waiting for me to mess up.  I told chris today, I wish I could call these f'ers today and tell them kiss it...I quit.  I don't want to burn bridges though..It wouldn't take long for me to find another veterinary job...I take pride in my work ethic and think I'm damn good.  The only problem is.....being almost 6 months pregnant.  I can't hide it...Potential employers will look at me and automatically not want to hire me.  This wouldn't be a problem obviously if I worked a desk job...Working in the field I do, it is a high risk job for my pregnancy and there are quite a few things I can't do right now-like radiology and lifting pets.  Two major parts of my job.  But, I feel there are enough nurses there to cover my ass for an occasional x-ray....Ya know?

I so need to find a differnt place of employment...This has me stressing so bad, I can't stand it...Making me sick to my stomach with worry.I need my paycheck and can't afford to go even a month without a job.    I will do what I have been doing and going in working my ass off, not making any mistakes and going home and picking up my paycheck every two weeks untill I can find something else.  The sad part is, this job is my dream.  There is nothing else in the world I would rather be doing.  These animals continually awaken my dreary outlook eachtime they look in my eyes.  I can see there hearts and know how much they love....they love like no human on earth. 

Ah well, enough of my bitching.....I got a dining room set today off of craigslist for 40 bucks...It's not new, it's actually probably made in the 70's.  It's not terribly pretty but, it's a lot bigger than what I have now and we can actually all sit down at the table together....I figure a nice table cloth and some seat covers will spruce it up a bit.  Besides which it's built really strong.  Heavy dark wood and dosn't feel like it's going to fall apart the first time a plate is set on it.  I'm stoked...I can't wait to make it pretty....Hubby also got a 55 gallon fishtank and stand from my aunt they were selling for 200 dollars but, he went over and did some networking and cable work on their house so they gave him the fishtank. All of this we acquired today, so needless to say my dining room with two dining sets and a 55 gallon fishtank, all the things that go with a fishtank, my dining room is a complete mess....You have to side step through to get to the kitchen.  Hopefully someone will call soon for my old dining set, I listed it on freecycle....I hope someone comes get it tomorrow so I can get things back in order again.....

Anywho yall, I had a friggin blast in chat last night....I havn't laughed that hard in a long time...You witches know who you are that made me snort water....love you all bunches, J

P>S> Melissa, couldn't post belly pics today, my camera batteries are dead...soon I promise!

Because....I've been dealing with this at work....this touched my soft spot.....

Personal Satisfaction
Doing Our Best

We often come into contact with the idea that our best isn't good enough, as if this were actually possible. If you examine this notion, you will begin to see that it doesn't make much sense. Your best is always good enough, because it comes from you, and you are always good enough. You may not be able to deliver someone else's idea of the best, but the good news is that's not your burden. You only need to fulfill your own potential, and as long as you remain true to that calling, and always do your best to fulfill your purpose, you don't need to expect anything more from yourself.

It's easy to get tangled up with the idea of trying to be the best-the best parent, the best employee, the best child, or best friend. If we try to be the best, we run the risk of short-circuiting our originality because we are striving to fit into someone else's vision of success. In addition, if everyone is striving for the same outcome, we lose out on creativity, diversity, and visionary alternatives to the way things are done. On another note, there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve, but examining where this feeling comes from is important because wanting to be better than others is our ego coming into play.

Letting go of the tendency to hold ourselves up to other people's standards, and letting go of the belief that we need to compete and win, doesn't mean we don't believe in doing the best job we can. We always strive to do our best, because when we do we create a life free of regret, knowing we have performed to the best of our ability. This allows us to feel great personal satisfaction in all of our efforts, regardless of how others perceive the outcome.

What do you think?